The Winterfood Diaries

The Winterfood Diaries

Wednesday, 1 January 1986

New Year's Day 1986

[‘I thought I saw God, but told myself it wasn’t true…’ – Ritcherd, Dec 27, 1986]

…and 1985 was no more – never to be again!

1986
YEAR OF
THE TIGER


[“the 1980 Kicks Show”]
The really-crappy-shitty and boring
Diary of Ritcherd Winterfood – 1986!


Yes! The bells chimed at 12am, and 1985 fucked off elsewhere as in stepped 1986. We, who were spending New Year’s at the Sunset Rooms in Wisbech St Mary, sang ‘Auld Lang Syne’; about a thousand of us altogether. And I was tape-recording it! The jollity continued after the celebrations, but I sat down, almost pissed but not quite. I was just upon the precipice.

The rest of the night/morning flew by, with myself still tape-recording. At the end of the entertainments (about 1.30am), Sally, Tony, Jock and Marlene came back to Blackberry Narrow (our bungalow) for coffee.

After they had gone, Betty and Freddie went to bed. I recorded some record trax before going to bed myself.

Later, when I got up again, it was the basically boring first day of 1986. Kier (the girl next door) came round and that’s about the most exciting thing that happened – and that wasn’t exciting!

‘Coffee Homeground’ – Kate Bush


Accomplishments of ’85:
Finding the true me; learning to enjoy life and not be serious, because seriousness can kill; the creation of Situation: Hopeless with Flash.

Highlights of ’85:

Jayne, Flash.

Record of ’85:
'Cloudbusting'  by Kate Bush


LP of ’85:

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles 



A: Do you like liqueur chocolates?
B: Yes.
A: Well here’s a box to keep ‘em in.

Good, eh? Loads of space and not a lot to say!

A giant blue eye...

WiLLY


Predictions for ’86:

A poisoned supply of some edible product will cause a scare [Shitcake]
A major international skirmish [Gadaffi poohs on Thatch/Libya vs. US]
More riots [Supermarkets run out of beans]
Resignation of certain MPs [Heseltine/Britton]
Water shortage in summer [Ritcherd drinks it all]
FGTH not making Top Five [They all die]
A really crap Christmas Number One [Berwin Groomstool’s new 7-inch]
The Queen becomes quite ill [Berwin wees in mouth]
Ronnie Barker will die [or Berwin Groomstool will]*
I will go through a major physical or mental trauma
One of my relations or friends will die
Major assassination attempt [q. a few!]
Emergence of a great new pop group
[Sputnik? The Mission? Sisterhood? Nephilim? Berwin Groomstool’s All-Stars?]

So predicts Ritcherd!

*[OOPS, he’s not been invented yet.
Ritcherd – in a time warp – ‘88]

Thank you for a good year, pop chums!

I wonder if I’ll get these diaries published?

Hello – anybody out there?

Sorry about the bits where I got bored…

Like this:

An outline of a phallus, labelled: ‘Phallus’…

A thick-necked brute of a man, with kind eyes and a crucifix...

Billy
Billy
Arse
burp
ball
bag
Show
!!!!

Spider-Man but with massive teeth, spinning a wet and gooey web…

oh?

Personal predictions for ’86:

Failure to go to NORCAT (college).
Failing all my exams.
I will go through a major physical or mental trauma. [BMW! Jen + Alice – Ritcherd, 1987]
One of my relations, friends or even I will die.
Falling out with a good friend [Flash… but friends again. Astra Trellis.]

Me, with spots, mullet, shirt collar and tie, saying: Pretty scary, huh?

[Ritcherd Dec ’86, saying: I hate you.]

So predicts Ritcherd the doomy!
DEATH

Marked
for
destruction

Me, mulleted and stubbly – wispy – looking a state but as the arrow pointing to me says, it’s just ‘flattery’...

only in death shall we find ultimate peace…

My Love of the Wasp…

[THE STORY BEHIND IT ALL?

‘All The Young Dudes’ – David Bowie



In 1985, Ritcherd Winterfood decided to keep an exceedingly detailed day-by-day account of his life, instead of the boring, basic Collins diaries he had kept – on and off – since 1983.

The Diary of Ritcherd Winterfood 1985, as it was called, took the guise of four exercise books containing a fairly regular account of Ritcherd’s life and was indeed better than any previous journal he had written – or it seemed so at the time. Ritcherd didn’t find it very interesting. He felt that he should try again in 1986, which he hoped would be an interesting year of dramatic change in his life, due to his leaving school…

And so, the product of 1986 is before you. It has indeed been an interesting year, so interesting that by the end of it, due to events recounted much later, Ritcherd is on the verge of identity problems, worrying for his future and his mind – hence the Bowie-inspired subtitle of The 1980 Kicks Show.

Why kicks?

Because hopefully you’ll get kicks out of reading it, or be kicked like me by the horrible world!

It is not a book by me, but by myself – a persona. Ritcherd Winterfood. Final production is currently taking place during a dramatic change, for I am in a twilight world, without love, with only the ideal of DEATH to embrace – WINTERFOOD, Dec 28th ‘86]

Later:

Watched The Comic Strip Presents: Consuela tonight. It was okay.



[Images subject to control of individual Copyright Holders / While based on true life events and designed as a study of parochial British cultural and emotional life in the 1980s, this blog is a work of fiction. Cultural icons excluded, all characters and incidents featured are entirely fictional / This blog is also non-profit and all video clips are used for illustrative and contextual purposes / No copyright infringement is intended.]

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